Ever since Frost made her video game debut in Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance I have wanted to stick my penis in her. Those that know me can attest to this unhealthy obsession for a woman that would, if existed in the real world, freeze my wang off. In order to understand my obsession I have to start at the beginning.
The year is 1993 and Mortal Kombat 2 hits the arcade scene and my mind is instantly blown. I had played Mortal Kombat 1 a year before but it didn’t quite stick with me. Sure I was fascinated by the realistic graphics, the blood and the Fatalities but I lacked any real playtime with the game. That all changed with MK 2. The beautifully vibrant colors, detailed backgrounds and large sprites had me drooling all over the cabinet. My world changed but why was this game so different from all other fighting games and even it’s predecessor? One word – Mythology.
I am a gamer that has to be completely sucked into a game’s world, it’s universe – it’s mythology. Unlike Street Fighter, which spanned the globe, MK2 took place in one location. Because of this fact I could imagine how much time it took for fighters to go from one arena to another and start creating my own stories as to what happened between fights. And unlike in Street Fighter, where Chun-Li would just show up in E. Honda’s bathhouse and beat him down for no reason, the Mortal Kombat kombatants had motivations behind their actions and rivalries. Mortal Kombat 2 was, in my eyes, a fleshed out universe that fed my imagination as much as it did my blood lust.
What would great mythology be without the characters who inhabit it? MK2’s cast of fighters is, in my opinion, the perfect melding of design + functionality. Ninjas with armor! How fucking cool is that, I thought. Why hadn’t it been done before? After playing Mortal Kombat 2 for the first time I immediately went home and started to draw my own versions of the fighters. That’s how much the game affected me – it sparked my creativity!
Then, of course, there was Sub-Zero.
Sub-Zero is the Boba Fett of the video game world and that’s not to be taken lightly. There is a reason why a member of the Lin Kuei has appeared in every entry in the series (MK2’s version is the younger brother of MK1’s Sub-Zero who died and later became Noob Saibot). He’s badass – plain and simple. Oh how I wanted to be Sub-Zero, to control the elements, to wear the awesome costume, to have a ghostly nemesis. Does life get any better than that?
Mortal Kombat 3 came out and a bit of my soul died. But I kept the faith – I stuck by the series. I even played Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero………….twice. Then the series got a critically acclaimed reboot with Deadly Alliance and all was right in the world because now I had Frost.
When I first saw the female Lin Kuei I said, in my best Lando impersonation, “Hello, what have we here?” It was truly love at first sight. She had everything I had always wanted in a woman – big boobs, a cool costume and super powers. Not to mention the awesome frozen hair. I would have lots of penis-intercourse with Frost but at what cost? If her hair was frozen solid then what was waiting for me down below? Damn the realistic requirements I impose on my fantasies! But fantasize I did, probably too much. What else can I do? I’m only human; I’m only a perverted gamer.
After many hours of soul searching I have come to this conclusion – I would totally do it. To hell with the consequences.